I finally had a bit of time to get back to the painting I had started last week. I had left it at an awkward teenage stage. It was very plodding and ….sigh…… boring, and didn’t have any life to it. And I had to look at it all week sitting on the easel in my kitchen. Is that why people have studios? Just so they can avoid the awkward ones when they’re making their tea?
The colours of the floor and background have changed a few times. More times than I took pictures of. I missed the orange floor stage. I even used an app on my phone to play and try to figure out where I should head. It was bugging me, see?
Yesterday I had a bit of time in the morning, before running off to watch a soccer game, but I did that thing I’ve been doing. Instead of throwing myself into it and having fun I fussed. And didn’t paint! It seems when I can claw a teensy bit of time to paint, such a treasure these days, I go all stage fright-ish. Silly silly silly. What was I going to do next? What would help it? Was this going to get better? Lots of fussing, not a stroke of paint.
Recently I’ve been very lucky to get some kind words, encouragement, and good advice from a few sources and as I stood on the soccer sidelines thinking it all over (gorgeous sunny day. Didn’t have to concentrate on not freezing or getting washed away in the downpours) I started to get what I needed to do. Let go.
OK. Not a new concept.
But I had some new ideas how to do that. My best idea was to stop thinking so hard how to let go and….. let go.
I also felt a little bit more confidence than I’ve been feeling and it’s scary how much that helps. Or hinders when you’re on the other side of it.
I didn’t get that second chance to start painting till fairly late last night and after dark but it felt better… it felt great actually… and then I had to hang on till this morning to see what it really looked like. Kitchen studios sometimes don’t have great light!
I saw Miz M, my partner in crime in this painting and creative journey and also a fellow soccer sideliner, and we don’t know how we’re going to do it but we’re both determined to set aside some time every week and paint together. It just keeps it all primed, don’t you know. Keeps that confidence-eating monster at bay. And this morning, even though I can hear weeds outside plotting how to take us over, I’m going to paint!